From the Fortress of Solitude
I start this post by thanking everyone for the many kind birthday wishes and expressions of hope that I'll make it to 55. My staff and volunteers at the Space Education Center were the first to remind me with cake, cookies and a nearly tone deaf song that another year has been added to the staggering digit used to describe the number of revolutions I've spent circling our sun on this blue marble in space. There were other messages of sympathy sent by my friends in the National Sarcastic Society. Yea, like I need them too.....
My birthday fell on Sunday this year. I call birthdays which land on Sundays my Sabbath Birthdays. When you birthday falls on a Sunday you should proclaim to your friends, family and business associates that you are officially in your Sabbath Birthday year. They should regarded you as "resting".
Here are my plans for my Sabbath Birthday Year of Rest:
- I'm considering changing my shaving routine from daily to weekly. I think I'll do the same for showering, deodorizing, and brushing my teeth.
- On your Sabbath Birthday it is totally permissible to wash clothes monthly. No one will object to the smells if they understand it is your Sabbath Birthday Year.
- I won't wash my car during this special year of rest.
- I'll show up for work right when I'm suppose to and clock out a few minutes before I'm suppose to leave. Employers are typically more tolerate of laziness during your Sabbath Birthday Year. I have the Department of Labor's toll free phone on speed dial if my administrator gives me any guff.
- I'll exert less.
- I'll eat more.
- Exercising is limited during your Sabbath Birthday Year. Running, jogging, swimming, bicycling, etc. are all to be avoided. How can you honor your year of rest if your heart is beating excessively and your sweat glands are sweating? Elbow and hand exercises are allowed as you reach for food, scoop up food and deliver food into your mouth.
Its a far shot, but I'm asking for an appointment with my United States Senator. I hope to persuade him to join my crusade by sponsoring a bill giving all Sabbath Birthday Celebrants one year off from Federal taxes.
To summarize, this is my Sabbath Birthday Year. Expect nothing from me of consequence until June 24, 2013.
Thank you for understanding.