Here, gathered in our beloved South Dakota, are a few members of our Williamson / Mattson Clan. Charles and Luella are to be blamed (be kind, they didn't know what they were doing). We're generally a happy bunch and somewhat intelligent (notwithstanding our tenuous grasp on reality). I'm also proud to say that most of us still have our teeth.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Report on Lisa Williamson Coronato's Surgery and Recovery

From the Fortress of Solitude
Pleasant Grove

Hello All,
As many of you know, Lisa Williamson Coronato (number 7 of 8) underwent surgery a week or so ago for severe intestinal problems. Charles and Luella drove to California to help with the kids.

After two years of pain, and countless visits to the doctor's office, an ultra sound technician finally discovered something mysterious growing around her insides. Lisa overheard her mumbling during the procedure about not being able to see certain landmarks in the abdominal cavity. Lisa tried to get her to talk. The technician refused to elaborate but did question Lisa's mental state.

Several days later Lisa had an appointment with a surgeon. A procedure was set up. Lisa went under the knife and is today getting better (although somewhat changed from the ordeal as you'll read later).

Lisa is home and recuperating. She complains bitterly about the pain, but that is to be expected from the world's worst patient and champion for a patent's right to pain killers on demand. I'm told her children hid the pain medication from her and dispensed it according to the doctor's prescription. Draker took the brunt of her hysterical and hateful outbursts of anger when told she had to go another hour before her next pill.

"The only swearing I've heard worse was on that Deadwood TV show," Draker said. "Its also a good thing I have quick reflexes. She threw everything she could get her hands on at me and Aidia when I'd say No."

"It was like that movie The Exorcist when she'd get really mad," Aidia added. "I almost threw up that time right after she got back from the hospital when her head turned completely around when she shouted for her pills."

Draker's picture taken during the height of her pain.

"That was sick," Draker chimed in. "I gave in once and gave her her pills ten minutes early when she said she saw her dead Grandmothers coming to take her to Jesus. She told me they had a message for me. I asked what it was.
"They say you should GIVE ME THE DAMN MEDICINE!" she shouted at me. Then she threw her bed pan." Draker pointed to the dent in the bedroom's sheet rock from the impact and the stain from its contents on the wall and the floor.

I called the hospital to get information on Lisa's recovery right after her surgery. I was surprised when the hospital rerouted my call to a US Air Force doctor. He asked about my relation to Lisa.

"I'm her brother," I answered. There was a long pause.

"Have you experienced any unusual pain in your intestinal cavity?" he asked.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have."

He took my name and address and said someone from from the hospital would be contacting me. I could tell something wasn't right from the sound of his voice, so I decided to use my charm and quick wit to mentally disarm him in hopes that he would slip up and tell me the truth. I told him I was the director of a space education center. That did the trick. We talked space, black holes, warp fields and then the conversation turned to alien visitations.

"Listen, can you keep a secret if I share something with you?" he whispered.

"One sci fi fan to another?" I replied.

"You got it."

"You have my word as an avid Star Trek and Stargate fan."

He took down my email address and said he was sending me a couple photos and to keep them "under wraps".

"Someone is coming. We can't talk now." He hung up the phone.

I'm breaking my promise to show you the two photos he sent from Lisa's operation, but I can't be the sole bearer of this information. It needs to get out so everyone knows.

Picture 1:
The Xray which shocked the doctors and lead to the Air Force's and Dept. of Homeland Security's involvement and intercession into Lisa's surgery.

Picture 2:
The "fibrous tumor" removed from Lisa's gut. Lisa called it 'Wilson'. Now you know the reason why a "fibrous tumor" was given a real name. I blotted out the watermark intended for Area 51's use only.

The Fibrous Tumor,"Wilson"
Carbon based.
Suspected Intelligence

Let's keep this knowledge and information within the family. Leaking it to the press or discussing it with anyone without the highest security clearance could lead to my arrest and imprisonment.

One other thing while we are on the subject, I have the phone number to call if you begin experiencing unusual pain in your chest cavity. You may think it indigestion or a heart attack, but I urge you to consider the alternative. I'm told there is something about our family's DNA that attracts 'out of this world' attention. Why do you think I felt compelled to create the Space Education Center? And we shouldn't forget Janice's and my love for Star Trek, and don't get me started on my brother Jon. Then there's Kim..... Yikes - this could explain a lot.

I could go on and on but let's change the subject before I get that knock on the door at 3:00 A.M. and find myself at the receiving end of a long needle at a Federal mental hospital for those who knew too much and couldn't keep their mouth's shut.

Let's brighten Lisa's day with a few Before and After pictures.

Lisa over the years...... (and I mean Years!)

Sweet and Innocent

Starting down "that" road..... An alleyway. A trash can.
Perhaps a metaphor of things to come?

Nearly there.....

Going, Going and Over the Edge

The Long Road Back. Rehabilitation.

The Good Times.
Pre Wilson

A New Life without Wilson.
"It" kept her prematurely and unnaturally young.

Lisa is considering plastic surgery but hesitates because of the cost.
"The amount of plastic needed for your reconstruction could bring the benchmark price of crude to the breaking point," the plastic surgeon cautioned during the consultation. "We will go ahead if you can live with the fact that your neighbors will be paying $5.00 per gallon for gas just so you can reclaim your youth."

Life moves on, and no matter how much you want, you're along for the ride.


1 comment:

  1. If I was a Delgrosso I would be peeing my pants! This was great vic:)